rewind

last night i went to orem high's sweethearts dance. illegal? probably. fun? definitely.

it was for a good reason. a close friend of mine, and student at orem high was dating this _____ (jerk, loser, dufas, dope, tool, etc) and she had a tough decision to make. break up with this boy and not have a date for the dance (who by the way wouldn't come to pick her up at her house because he doesn't like her parents, which is absurd because her parents got this mark a job and are nothing but good to him), or keep dating him for another two weeks and have someone to go with.

first let me say that, i love when we as adults act like this is literally a no-brainer. it is for us. but, and this is speaking from experience, when you're 18 you have no pattern for dating, it's really difficult to know exactly how to handle a situation when you've never tried it before. we understand this principle in so many ways, but sometimes we have a hard time understanding why a pretty girl in high school dates losers.

she's a smart girl and did the right thing. she gave back the dress he bought her with money he borrowed from his ex girlfriend. and i told her i'd go with her if she decided to break up crap-for-brains. we had a blast. well i did. and i know i embarrased her at least somewhat. 

the embarrasment came because 1) i never cared what anyone in high school thought of me at dances (so you can imagine what i might act like.) and 2) the heirarchy that exists in a high school no longer includes me. i didn't fit into these levels, so i danced wherever i wanted, and as big as i wanted. i saw a lot of heads turn when i climbed on some steps in front of the speakers so i was four feet above everyone else. it was like a sociology experiment. i was just dancin to the music, and all these kids (well who are only 3 years younger than me) are looking at me like 'who the crap is that girl? did we say she could dance up there? why doesn't she care that we are sending her the fall-in-line vibes?' it was awesome. i was finally the coolest kid in high school. 

so cool story: this girl at the MAC counter did my eye makeup and claimed it would last for 12-14 hours. so i slept in it to test it. (also, it was so rad, i couldn't bring myself to remove it. seriously.) i took this picture this morning when i got home. and the thing is, this picture doesn't do it justice.

look it

how cute my cousin is! i cropped everyone else out of the picture.

i want i want

i saw quantum of solace last night. i am in love. and i guess this is an announcement that i have a new boyfriend. he'll protect me from just about anything. and he'll keep wearing those classy sunglasses and semi-tight jeans.


He cleans up so nicely

my date was decent too.

"i'm not going to be able to make it. i'm stuck on a paper. thanks though"

it's a good thing i had that epiphany on my last post, or this might make me actually really sad. oh wait

people say 'i can't'

but all i hear is 'i don't really want to'

'i can't drive all the way to provo to see you'

'i can't take you out for ice cream, i don't have any time'

these these lines sound like they are things boys would say to me. because they are. i have actually heard those two lines word for word. let's talk about that second line. at the time when this was delivered i felt i learned a great principle in the dating world. of course there were other teaching tools that contributed but i realized that if this guy really wanted to do something with me, he would. simple as that. i also decided not to take this too hard, it's not worth it. mind you, this idea (it's not worth it) is revolutionary. that coming from me is huge, because i am the girl who can cry for months at a time. i just have a hard time moving on. i'm getting sooooo better though. but this isn't a post about dating/more like not dating.

so this thing is frustrating for me. people saying 'oh i really wish i could' but i can't decide how to react. would i really rather hear 'i just don't really want to.' i'm thinking maybe i'll just be excited that i deciphered the human/american language, and i can just translate it automatically, as i hear it. and i'm scratching my brain for the past week about what i could post about as it has to be something funny, or something i really care about, or something i want to tell you. so i was all excited when i turned this thought into a post idea, and in order to not be a prude and just get on here and rip on everyone who has ever told me they can't i had to close with something nice that really made me look good. 

thank you google blogger for the life lesson. it was like a ford f150 t-boning a turquoise buick skylark near cottonwood high school... but more like a blinding brilliant light from heaven. i have never applied this idea to me and myself. i think things like

'i can't eat healthier'

'i can't run consistently'

'i can't get to bed on time'

'i can't read and pray everyday'

'i can't getter better grades like these genius zoobs'

and duh duh duh, duh duh

are you getting the picture that heaven is painting? yeesh mal. you can do whatever you WANT.

so yesterday i asked myself this question at least 15 times a minute for like an hour. "yeah but what do you want?"

i'm about to do something brave. change. i know, i know. "but you've never done this mal" "i don't care, i'm doin it now" and the other brave thing is i am going to tell you about them. crap i might feel more accountable. i hope i'm prepared for that.

• fingers don't belong in mouths. and that's final (dad won't have to smack my hands anymore)
• i'm taking care of this body by giving it a proper workout everyday at 5:30... heaven help me
• i'm studying more. i'm getting better grades
• i'm going to be honest with people. and kind.
• i'm reading everyday. and saying my p's

on another note, the dope who told me he couldn't drive ALL THE WAY TO PROVO (so sad for him right now, right?) is such drama.

text messages:

'hey i'm coming to provo to see some mission buddies next weekend, would you want to hangout?'

(on the advice of a wise sister)

'thanks for thinking of me, but i'm not interested'

... five days later. another text.

'i know why you are mad at me. its hard for me to want to see you and not being able to. i would really like to come down and see you this weekend'

you're feeling for him right? so am i!

don't worry all my loved ones, i next-ed him.

also, i took a freshman out on a date last night. it fell in the category of good dates. (now the total is like 2 or 3...) readers, yay or nay?